In August 2017 I became a mom.  I should say I birthed a baby, but I suppose I became a mom in November 2016 when I started cooking my son.  I certainly took myself out for some rockin’ Mexican food for Mother’s Day 2017.  That counts right?

When I first found out I was pregnant I panicked.  I’m very square, very planned, very detail oriented and quite frankly I lost my sh*t.  How was I going to continue my career?  How was I going to grow my business?  And my family?  And what about the weight gain????  Would I lose it?  And crap, I was going to give birth in the Summer and I HATE Summer… it is hot, humid, and gross in NYC in the Summer.

My panic lasted all throughout my pregnancy.  I literally attempted to do everything myself, just as I had done non-preggo.  I assumed if I could do it pregnant, I could do it again not pregnant, and I quite wrongly thought my son was just going to assume his place in MY life.  I think somewhere in the recess of my mind I actually believed my life wouldn’t be altered too much, and if it was altered, it would only be for the better and in positive ways.  I would still get my hair done.  I would still get my nails done.  I would still go out with the girls.  I would still move up the corporate ladder.  I would still grow my business.

And you know what?  August 15th 2017 hit me like a brick wall.  (I’m not even talking about birth!) My maternity leave was fantastic (for the most part) and then I started thinking balance… how can I balance it all?

Here is what I decided and hopefully it can help you if you’re struggling with the same question.

1 – Balance is relative.  What I find “balancing” you may find down right idiotic.  So be it.  Find what you classify as balance and go for it.  Does that mean a yoga class twice a week?  Or getting a mani once a week?  Or going for a walk around the block?  Does that mean locking yourself in the bathroom with a glass of wine and a book?

2 – Every decision I make in my life today revolves around these questions – if Richard married a woman who did/didn’t do this thing/activity/self care what would I think?  When Richard starts a family of his own, how do I hope he will act?

  • I want to be an example to Richard.  I want him to know that yes I love him, but no I won’t stop doing the things I enjoy simply because he came into my life.
  • My balance is my nails every two weeks.  My hair every 6 weeks.  My career.  My business.  My reading.  I purposely put “My” in front of all of those activities.  They’re mine.  I share them with Richard, and he flirts with all the ladies at the nail salon and hair salon.  He watches me work my day job and career.  Heck, he watched me struggle to figure out what the hell I’m doing with this blog.  He plays on the floor while I read.  This is on purpose.  I want Richard to have his “things” and I want him to know that keeping them are imperative to balancing a “new” life.

3 – He is going to hate me for something, at some point in his life.  I am not going to try and be perfect.  For what?  To be frazzled and crazy and uncertain of myself all. the. time.?  No.  He can hate me for making him eat vegetables.  He can hate me for sleep training.  He can hate me for having a curfew.  Whatever his reasons will be, they will be.  Striving for perfection is impossible.  Thanks anyway.

4 – Try your hardest to find time with your significant other.  Hubby and I have had our fair share of fights, arguments, struggles, and difficulties.  And when I take a step back from being as stubborn as a donkey and really focus on “us” I realize (time and time again) he is trying his hardest, and so am I.  I don’t care if its a hug in the kitchen.  A text message saying, “thank you.” A quickie while the baby naps.  Whatever.  Take the time to spend time with your significant other.  You made a baby.  You liked each other then… find reasons to like each other now.  Remember, little eyes are always watching… be the example you hope they grow up to be.

5 – Delegate.  Find tasks you hate doing and find a way to get help.  You literally can’t do it all.  I’ll give you the same advice my Nana gave my mom, and my mom gave me… the dust will still be there when she/he is grown and leaving for college.  Now I may still lose my mind over dust at least 3x/week, but I try to remember I have help.  And I try to use it.

I hope these help.  I’m not a balance guru, but I am a Mama and a Wife and a Human.  You deserve time for yourself.  You deserve to be proud of yourself.  And you deserve to remember that you’re enough. Dammit you.are.enough.  Keep up the stellar work girlfriend.  One day when those tiny humans grow up to be big humans they’ll get it.  I certainly get it when I look at my Mama today.

xo,

M