Tips & Tricks

Working from Home & Quarantined

April 1, 2020 / Mama stuff, Tips & Tricks / Comments Off

5 tips I’ve picked up along the way… so far

Are you home? Of course you are. Are you one of the lucky ones who is still working, while trying to juggle ‘other people’ during your workday? Probably. ( I say lucky because so many people are not working and not getting paid right now.)

When I first thought about doing this post I was going to tailor it more towards moms, but truthfully, I think anyone can benefit.

First, you know the cliche saying, “You can’t drink from an empty cup?” Its true. I wish I could say I’ve been eating well, meditating, running, and feel like a million bucks. That’d be a lie. But who the hell else is doing all of that? And furthermore, do these people do this when they’re not quarantining? (Also, I don’t think that’s a real word.)

I will say, tip #1 – set an alarm and get your butt out of bed and do something for yourself. I’m no doctor, but even if it’s 10 minutes without someone large or small calling your name, with a tizzy in hand, or a coffee, or simply to stare at the ceiling sans interruption, it’s a great way to start the day. You can run through your to do list of the day, or even write it down. Or brush you damn teeth in peace. Or just enjoy the silence before the storm.

Tip #2 – create a schedule. Delineate between PERSONAL time & WORK time. And stick to it, hard. I mean like you just got the last nail appointment before the apocalypse hit and you knew you’d be stranded for weeks. (True story)

* Yes, sometimes things come up. Those are exceptions to the rule, not the rule *

Normally, when commuting into the office in NYC my day goes a little something like this :

5:30 Up / Shower / Get Dressed / Makeup / Journal
7:30 Walk to subway / Call a friend / Commute / Read (I really want to say 7:00, but that never happens)
8:30 In the office
6:00 Leave the office
7:00 Home & Family Stuff
9:30 / 10:00 Turn into a Pumpkin AKA go to bed

So what about on quarantine?

6:30 Up / Tizzy / Talk to RJ / Journal / Read / Talk to Family
8:00 / 8:30 Work
6:00 Done Working / Family Time / Try & get RJ to bed at a reasonable time
9:30 / 10:00 Turn into a Pumpkin AKA go to bed

I am not 100% this is a truthful stat. But it is funny.

Why is this so important? Because if you’re intentional with where you will spend your day, you’ll be more productive. That’s not to say you can’t schedule laundry, walks, jumping jacks, lunch, snack time, even nap time. But if you don’t, you’ll end up most likely on back to back calls, not doing actual work, and stressed about family time. Plus, multi-tasking doesn’t work. (I’m always devastated when I realize this time and time again.)

Tip #3 – if you have tiny people, and your situation allows, separate Mom & Business time. The main reason refers to Tip #2. If we try and multi-task in both roles, we will not feel productive in either. That tends to lead to feelings of less than, unproductive, anxiety…etc…etc…etc… This also goes for individual & wife/gf/friend/daughter time.

Tip #4 – plan to get up out of your seat. No seriously. The main reason I’m posting this today is because I’ve barely moved. Its 6:22 pm and I’ve done 3839 steps. I have a shit ton of steps before Pumpkin time. And if I’m in this situation, I know many others are, too. Why did this happen? I didn’t plan it last night in my schedule.

Tip #5 – ask for help if you need it. Out of this shitty situation came my husband becoming a stay-at-home Papa. (He’s French, they don’t do Daddy. They do Papa. An argument I lost around the 1st trimester) Truthfully, he’s been a huge help. Prior to this quarantine I always hesitated to ask for help. Nothing he did, more me feeling inadequate if I couldn’t do it all.

We can’t do it all. There are only 24 hours in a day. And I’ve quickly learned over the last two weeks that getting help is (a) ok and (b) makes you feel so.much.better. Please don’t try and do it all. You’ll run yourself ragged, and at this point you may already be struggling to shower and put on a bra on the daily. Let’s not make matters worse.

I hope these helped a little bit. And if they haven’t helped your productivity, I certainly hope you were at least able to chuckle a little. My dad used to always say,

As long as you keep laughing, it will all be ok.

Stay Safe, Stay Healthy.

I Know How She Does It

March 31, 2020 / Books, Tips & Tricks / Comments Off

I Know How She Does It by Laura Vanderkam

I set a goal for myself to read one book every month in 2020. I just finished this one for the month of March, and decided well, if I’m really going to take this blogging this back up, might as well share a good book.

Here is what I loved.

Statistics – you can’t deny the #s. Yes, of course, the story that #s tell can be changed to fit someone’s story, but I love the story.
Optimism – so many people are ‘too busy’ to do this, that, and the other. Ever picked up the phone and called a friend, asking how she is, and the answer is – “Ugh I’m soooooo busy.” Which really says nothing.
She spits in the face of the people who say they just don’t have the time for this, that, and the other.
It forced me to reflect, and to also create a time log. (Like I’m really supposed to be doing my day job right now, and I will have to admit that in my log I was not)
Tangible suggestions. Things that I can put to use immediately. Such as, when you create your to do list, break it into (3) parts : Work, Leisure, Self.
The breakout of the book is organized, and can be put down and picked back up at any point during the day.

To anyone out there reading this blog post. This is what I’d like to share with you.

First, we all have the same amount of time in a day / week. 24 / 168. We all get to choose how we spend that time of ours. During this Covid-19 pandemic we are all home, either working, or sadly, unemployed. Yes, people have families. Yes, people have responsibilities. But if we just take a little time to THINK about our TIME, we will understand that TIME is the most VALUABLE commodity there is in life. We can’t get it back.

When we take a few moments to plan our day, it doesn’t get away from us. (Like mine technically is right now, woops) One thing I learned, which I never would have thought to do, was :

Plan your leisure time. Put as much weight and focus on this time as you would your work day schedule.

At first I thought, what?! Is this lady nuts? But once I started blocking out chunks of time in my day for ‘leisure,’ my mental state shifted. This so called leisure could be a 10 min. meditation at 2pm. Or intentionally going to give a kiss to your loved ones. Or a 20 min. nap. Or crossing off 6-9:30 pm in your work calendar to ensure you focus on family time. And when you set those intentions, and verbalize them to the world, you will seriously stick to the plan (95% of the time).

I decided to give it a try myself, and created the world’s most basic template. Download it and give it a try. All you have to do is track your time in 30 min. increments. Mine is color coded : Personal time is green, Work time is blue, Sleep is black.

At random points throughout the week I’ll stop and tally up the numbers. How much work / how much personal / how much sleep. It’s been a great way to see where I REALLY spend my time.

Time-Log-Template Download

Ms. Vanderkam made a point early on that really stuck with me –

… if you’re trying to work a certain number of hours, working five hours on the weekend translates to an hour less you need to work every weekday. If you have a hard stop on your weekdays, this can be the difference between working enough to make it feel like your career is moving forward, and feeling like it just can’t work.

I can’t say I’m perfect at this time log activity, or planning my day (clearly). But I can say that I am getting better, and seeing trends, both for myself and my family.

I am seeing where my husband and I are failing at planning, so planning to fail, when it comes to RJ’s routines. I am seeing where I waste my time, and where I don’t. I am learning that no matter what, RJ IS going to wake up at 6:45 / 7:00 and so if I want any time to read and journal, I will just have to get up earlier. Period. I am seeing how and where I can squeeze in some activity, even if its walking in circles on a conference call.

But the most important lesson learned – as a mother, who works full time, loves her family & friends, and also values her ‘me’ time – I can have it all, if I plan AND stop feeling guilty when I do take the time for me.

Coffee break. Intentionally set during the work day.

COVID-19

March 30, 2020 / Lifestyle, Tips & Tricks / Comments Off

Work From Home Week 2

It’s hard to believe we’ve been “at this” for a few weeks now. “This” is COVID-19, more affectionately known as The Coronavirus. The world has been in an upheaval since earlier this year when its ugly head reared in China. As of today, thousands upon thousands have been affected, and died.

I’m sure anyone bored enough to read my ‘back up & running’ blog are wondering the same things I am.

How much longer?

Can I remain sane being locked in my house?

Did I always love trips to the supermarket this much?

How do I keep my family safe?

Am I going to continue eating my way through this time, and only be able to fit into my spandex pants?

How will my child (or children for some of you) come out of this? Will he/she be scarred for life? How much of an impact will it have on his/her generation?

And. So. Much. More.

To date, we have been living between our apartment, and our friends’ home. Why are we doing this? Lets see.

(1) There is a backyard. It may not be the worlds’ biggest backyard, but there is a backyard. We can all be seen running around in circles, listening to music (normally Euro dance), laughing, and screaming. Energy must be expelled, somehow.

(2) There are two additional humans with whom RJ or Adrien can speak. AKA, less talking to me. But on the flip side, there are two additional humans with whom I can speak. These are not easy times and being able to stay connected to people WITH WHOM YOU DO NOT NORMALLY LIVE is critical. Please don’t read into this. Our marriage is just as fine as everyone else’s. Our family unit is just as fine as everyone else’s. But sometimes, you need a break.

(3) Adrien has become the stay at home Papa. His company furloughed him about two weeks ago. He really needs the space to run around with RJ, and to be alone when I’m back on duty.

(4) Family values. Eating together for meals. Reading together at bedtime. Having an uncle read to RJ during the day. OR play with him. OR talk to him. OR sing with him. We all need those interactions, including RJ’s uncles who own the home. They too need a break from each other.

Our family unit has never been the ‘typical.’ RJ has many, many, many aunts and uncles all over the world. But this new living arrangement is allowing his parents some additional space to breathe in this scary time.

I know not everyone reading this can just hop over and stay with friends, merging two families into one, even if temporarily.

But I implore you, please find a way to interact with others and love on each other. I’ve never, ever, ever, been the peace & love kind of lady. I’ve always been described more as The Ice Queen. There I said it. And I could write an entire post about how that’s not entirely true.

Here is what IS true –

We all need to take a big deep breath and look around at reality. People are getting really sick. But not just with the virus. Being lonely. Being bored. Anxious. Sad. Angry. Overwhelmed.
We need to focus on the shit we can control. Like what goes in our mouth. Or what comes out of it.
We need to think about others, not just ourselves and our immediate families.
Counting our blessings goes a heck of a lot further than bitching about our issues. Everybody has them right now. Everybody has ALWAYS had issues.

I believe we as humans have the ability to come out of this with some grace. A lot of grace actually. And a lot of lessons learned.

Until then, I think I’ll keep opining over here, while juggling the same shit everybody else is juggling.

Stay Strong, Stay Healthy. Remember, this shit won’t take us down.

Xo.

Stickk – Goal Setting Accountability

October 18, 2018 / Lifestyle, Mama stuff, Tips & Tricks / Comments Off

Ever set a goal you didnt achieve? Dont lie. I’m sure there are equal number of NYE resolutions to years you’ve lived. We’ve all been there, done that, and bought the t-shirt. I know I have and I am more than happy to admit it.

We only grow by acknowledging our mistakes/life lessons and growing from them and learning the lessons. If you’re still adamant you have never failed at any goal you set, please take your hand, put it on your computer mouse, move towards the top right corner of the screen, and ‘x’ out this page. We are done here.

For those of you living on planet Earth with me, lets move forward.

Did you notice my husband hasn’t actually responded to be my referee? I doubt he even opened the email

My goals are always related to one of the following –

Exercise
Weight/Weight Loss
Financial
Work
Business

Which is what bring me to the homerun of goal setting accountability – Stickk.com

I recently learned about this app and decided I had to give it a try. Accountability is key to keeping on track with your goals. Its almost like, if a tree falls over in the woods and nobody hears it, did it happen? Or as my father always asked, “Do bears sh*t in the woods? Have you ever seen one do it?” (You’d have to have known him to see his humor)

With Stickk you create an account. Input your goal. Decide the length of your goal. And then, le pièce de résistance, you decide how the app is going to hold you accountable. On your honor? (So back to the bear in the woods bit) Or financially? You can set a certain amount that Stickk will take out of your bank account if you dont hit the goal. It can go to your anti-charity. AKA, dont hit the goal – donate to your least favorite charity available in their dropdown of options.

You also have the option to request a Referee. I requested my husband. If you look closely, you’ll notice he hasn’t responded yet – not for lack of my trying. Hopefully soon because there is a point to a referee… they’re here to keep you honest. Get one. And get one who answers/reads their emails 😉

Both of my starter goals run over a 26 week period. So, if I miss hitting a goal one week, I owe $20 to my anti-charity.

We know goals have to be SMART – otherwise, they’re pipe dreams. If I want to lose one pound a week, over the next 26 weeks, I have t Image result for goal setting o eat properly, according to a lifestyle change (more later on that). I also need to exercise. I set a goal of (4) days of exercise per week. If I dont achieve either or both, each week, $40 go to my anti-charity.

So far I’ve made it a week. My coach suggested this to me last Monday, and challenged me to download the app and setup 2 goals the same day.

So today, I challenge you to do the same.

download the app
setup 2 goals

Dont wait for the “right” time. There isnt one. Dont wait for some “other” sign that its time to get your sh*t together. Instead of waiting for NYE, or the next full moon, or the next time you’ve made a full rotation around the sun – just do it. Use me as your not so suttle nudge to just get. it. together. I mean this with love and kindness – get. it. together. For you to achieve a goal, your mind has to believe it is moving from a place of pain to a place of pleasure. (There is science behind this, I swear I’m not making this up) So, if you choose your anti-charity, the pleasure is work towards the goal or the pain of donating to your least favorite charity is the outcome.

I’m not perfect, nor am I pretending to be. But here is the thing, nobody is. Maybe I’ll end up donating a few times during the 26 weeks. Hopefully not. Because my hatred for this charity far outweighs my desire to skip a day of working out or eat like a garbage disposal.

If you sign up, let me know! I’d love to hear how Stickk is working

Xo,

Megan

Traveling with a baby

April 24, 2018 / Tips & Tricks / Comments Off

This past week Richard and I flew to Vegas for my side hustle’s Global Training Conference. From NYC that is about 5 hours on a plane, with a baby. As a non parent I’ve taken many a trips and always over-packed and always felt like I was taking everything but the kitchen sink. This time I was a bit concerned that if I were to over-pack, RJ and I would never, ever, ever get there in one piece… or better yet, I would get there and be bald from pulling out my hair.

I used a couple of my Mama FB groups to ask for help/suggestions (Thanks Mamas!) and let me tell you, those ladies helped! It is always incredible to me the community out there available to us if we just look for it, and ask for help. I received a ton of tips, and even more support in the days leading up to our trip.

In an effort to give back, I want to provide a couple of my tips for a smooth flight.

Make sure baby is fed. RJ is a monster when he is hungry. I made sure to feed him before we left for the airport. While it is only 30 minutes (with moderate traffic) from our apartment, I wanted to be sure I didn’t have an angry baby before even arriving.
Use a backpack. I have to give credit to my husband on this one. He insisted I use his backpack as a catch all for all of RJ’s stuff. I hate backpacks. They make me think I’m 10 and back in school. Its a personal schtick, one I realize is silly, but it is what it is. BUT, I will tell you it was a huge help.
Use gallon size Ziplock bags to compartmentalize everything. I realize this seems a bit tedious, but it made digging around and grabbing what I needed seamless. Bottles (already prepped)? Easy. I had 3 in one bag. Protein bars for me? No problem! Extra clothes for RJ if/when he peed out, had an explosive diaper, drooled all over his clothes? No worries. The other major benefit? If said bottles exploded or leaked, they were in one place and the mess was contained. I didn’t have to worry about formula leaking all over the rest of my stuff.
Have a copy of baby’s birth certificate. Since we were flying domestically Jet Blue suggested I have this on hand just in case. So I did. And while it was never necessary, I had it just in case. I put it with my wallet and license for easy grab and go.
Bring extra clothes. A couple of the Mamas suggested this one and honestly I never even thought about this as a necessity. Why would I need to change? What could possibly happen? Oh I don’t know… leaking milk bottles… baby drool… sweat from sitting with baby on my lap the entire time… While I didn’t have the time or necessity to change, I’m sure glad I had the extra clothes. Plus, what if they lose your baggage? What will you wear?
Toys. I didn’t want to be the Mama with the screaming baby from boredom. I don’t know about you, but my baby manages to become bored in .5 seconds. Literally. So we had a couple toys to keep him occupied when he wasn’t smiling and flirting with everyone around him, or sleeping. I’ll admit he spent more time flirting with the lovely ladies on the plane than playing.
Smile. I was so nervous I was going to be “that” mom with the screaming baby. Why was I scared? Because as a non parent I couldn’t stand babies on planes. I immediately saw them and cringed. Literally. Chills up and down my spine thinking, “oh no, I’m never going to get <insert whatever task I felt was necessary to do on a flight> done because this baby is surely going to scream the entire time. I made an effort to be as polite as possible on the flight. I tend to try and be polite no matter what, but I knew if my kid was a screamer a smile would go a long way. Of course the crew have experience with screaming babies. Of course everyone else on the plane cringed when they saw us. But the minute RJ smiled his gummy baby smile, most people softened. Plus, smiling went a long way. RJ was able to meet the pilot (and therefore so was I), and sit in the cockpit after his first flight.
A good book. So I’ll admit I love to read. Its been something I have loved doing for as long as I can remember. But when you have a sleeping baby on your lap, there isn’t much else to do. I recently got into the books on electronics trend. Honestly, I don’t love it, but since I’m going to be taking said electronics with me on the plane, there is no point in schlepping a physical book. It just adds to the weight in your backpack.
Water. This probably goes without saying but some people tend to forget. On an airplane you only have small bottles of water which for this lady just isn’t going to cut it. I purchased two 1L bottles after security. They are a huge help. Wondering why? Besides for drinking purposes? When your infant is on your lap and is being his/her own personal heater, and overheating his/her parent, they come in handy. Take out a cloth diaper, or a cloth something, and pour some water on it. Then put said cloth item on baby’s neck and forehead. He/she will calm down immediately and hopefully go back to sleep. Melting from baby heat? Do the same thing for yourself and take a big swig. This way you don’t have to wait for a crew member to pass by, ask for water, wait for water, then drink/use water.
Grace and Patience. These two I’ve left for last for a reason. Getting on an airplane with a baby is no easy feat. I, for one, was the naive Mama who thought, “eh no biggie. RJ is super easy 95% of the time this will be a breeze,” up until 48 hours before the flight. At that point panic kicked in. While I panicked I did my best to pack lightly, make sure I had all the necessities (whatever I forgot I could purchase anyway), and panicked some more. Then it hit me. I’m not the first, nor will I be the last Mama to travel with a baby. Heck, RJ and I are headed to Paris in a few weeks sans Papa. As long as I do my best to be kind with those around me, those around me will be kind to us. As long as I do my best to speak to Richard in a way where he knows screaming and a temper tantrum are not appropriate, I am teaching him a valuable lesson. As long as I remember that many of the individuals on the security line, in the gate waiting area, and on the plane are probably parents, I will be okay, and may even learn a thing or two. Be patient with yourself. Take each step one at a time. Remember that you aren’t the worst Mama on the planet with your baby in tow. Even if he/she is screaming. Most importantly, remember its okay for them to cry. It is the only way they can tell you something isn’t right. It is also okay for you to cry if you have to in the moment. Sometimes letting it all out enables you take a moment and collect yourself. As a Mama/Parent/Grandparent/Human, flying with a tiny human isn’t easy and people are far more forgiving than you may realize. Breathe girlfriend.

I hope these helped, and even made you chuckle a little. My intention is for you to continue traveling with your tiny human(s). These are life experiences that you and they will cherish for a lifetime. Flying with a tiny human may be stressful in the moment, but people are lovely and are more than willing to help. Heck, I think I had 4-5 people holding RJ while I went to the disgusting bathroom (wth people? Clean up after yourselves! Were you raised in a barn?!). And you never know, you may be on a plane with someone who is terrified to fly, and your tiny human brings some joy to that person and helps him/her forget his/her fear. I know my little RJ helped the woman across the aisle from us, and I am grateful he could do that for her. One day, when he is bigger, I will tell him all about the lovely Nellie across the aisle who was afraid to fly, and by flirting with her he helped her not be so afraid because she was distracted.

Life isn’t always easy people, but sometimes we forget our tiny humans can bring an immense amount of joy to those around us… even when we are on an airplane, crammed with 145 other people… in a metal box… flying at 500 mph.

Love,

Getting it all done and Being Present

March 29, 2018 / Mama stuff, Tips & Tricks / Comments Off

So I recently joined a bunch of Mom groups on Facebook. They’re all lovely in ways, and downright depressing in others. I’ll admit.

Many mornings I wake up and love seeing posts from new Mamas who joined the groups. They’re filled with laughter, and babies/kiddos, and joy. They’re also filled with dark under eye circles, crazy looking hair, sometimes frazzled clothes, sometimes dirty clothes, and smiling babies/kiddos. I can relate. 100%.

Take this morning for example, little man woke up at 2am crying. Normally we would put the pacifier back in his mouth (gross, I know. But I learned they help reduce the chance of SIDS* and being me, that’s on my list of things to avoid) and he would go back to sleep. Done. But this week Nana is staying over. She currently sleeps in the nursery with him on a cot (don’t ask). So poor Nana hears RJ crying and since she can’t find the pacifier picks him up. WHAAAAT?! NOOOO!!!!! Once you lean down, extend arms, wrap hands under and around tiny armpits, it’s over. Done. He is AWAKE. And he has WON. So RJ won. As he continued screaming the hubby and I got up, checked on Nana and RJ, made a bottle, went back to bed. cool. Its only 2:15. But now, we have to fall back to sleep amidst the 876,476,532,567 things flying in my head about what I need to get done TODAY. Before bed TODAY. And I’m still in bed from yesterday/last night. WTF?! Anyone relate to this sh*t?

So the alarm goes off at 5:30 for hubby to get up… and said alarm wakes up tiny human… BUT I DON’T HAVE TO GET UP UNTIL 6… And so at 6:05 I’m up, angry, tired, annoyed, and quite frankly, feeling completely put out that yet again the hubby gets to saunter off to work and I’m stuck dealing with the tiny human and trying to get my butt out the door. I have a tight schedule. My mornings are meant to be filled with “me” time where I don’t talk to anybody, I journal, I get ready for the office, and I most assuredly don’t get interrupted.

But I have a tiny human… and if you’re reading this you probably have a tiny human too… and this morning I read a post from a Mama who was talking about feeling completely overwhelmed with her life, feeling as though she never REALLY gets anything accomplished, and feels as though she isn’t really present in whatever the h*ll it is she is supposed to be doing. Giiiiiirrrrrlllll, I almost forgot to brush my teeth because I was dealing with a full diaper and trying to get my non washed hair into a bun that didn’t look like a dirty, hot mess. I’m with you.

Here’s the thing – so many of the other Mamas feel the same. So do I sometimes. Often, I walk in the door from work and I am bombarded by people talking to me. I honestly just smile, answer whatever “urgent” questions these people have, and use washing my hands as an excuse to get away. I also live in NYC and the subway is downright filthy and I don’t want to touch my tiny human with grimy subway hands, even if he is equally as gross since he crawls and drools and spits up and wears his food more than he ingests it. But I hide and breathe. To refocus on job #2, because let’s face it, being a mom + wife + daughter + friend is also a job. These are job(s) we love, but they’re jobs.

So my wish today is to offer some tid bits that have helped me so far in my short time as a Mama (but intermediate term as a wife and long term multi tasker) –

1- If you are also in a bunch of mom groups, or groups with other humans in general, while sympathizing with the original person who posted is lovely, let’s not all sit around and talk sh*t about our lives. I get it, you’re tired, the cat threw up, the kid/baby cried, the in laws are pains in your buttocks, you didn’t get that PowerPoint done exactly the way you want… whatever… offer actual support. Tips. Tricks. Ideas. Book titles. I can completely relate to all of these Mamas and in so many ways, but I want to HELP. Isn’t that the point of being in a group with other humans? Add value. Offer solutions.
2- If you’re specifically feeling overwhelmed with the 876,476,532,567 tasks swirling around in your head – stop. the. swirling. – get a notebook. Find the prettiest. Sparkliest. Loveliest. Most uplifting notebook you can find. Get a Sharpie marker. Write HEAD DUMP across the top cover. I learned this kick ass technique when listening to Mel Robbins’ book, The 5 Second Rule. Here are the steps :
a. Open book
b. Date page
c. Start writing each and every thing that comes to mind. Feed family. Call hairdresser. Call pediatrician. Manicure. Shower. Read. Journal. Meditate. Tell your partner you love them.

Whatever you need to accomplish gets written down. Don’t overthink it. Don’t judge yourself. Just write it down.

3- Now prioritize. You can put a star for today. 2 for tomorrow. 3 for later. X for never actually going to do. However you want to code your list, do it.
4- Now take a step back and double check your starred items for today. Can you realistically complete them all today? If yes, then highlight them all. If no, highlight the ones you can realistically complete today.

Now you can choose to use this notebook as your to do list if that’s easier. For me, it all goes in the same notebook. Literally. So I have my pages labeled like this – 3/29/18 Personal and then another page 3/29/18 Work (for my day job/side hustle)

For the Mama(s) who feel like they are never fully present, write that in your damn list. Be Present With Family. Be Present At Work. Heck, I write down, Hug Adrien. Tell Adrien “thank you.” Not because I don’t want to hug him and not because I am not grateful for what he does. I write it down because it reminds me to actually act on those feelings. I’m a list maker. I love crossing off sh*t. I have a side hustle – you better believe I write down what needs to get done and try my hardest to be sure it gets done too.

Here is one other thing – write down at least 1 thing for yourself. Make it a starred item. I don’t care if its pluck your eyebrows, put on lipstick, do a whitening treatment for your teeth or freaking hide in the car and read for 30 minutes. Put it in there. Every. Damn. Day. Why? Because if you refuse to take the time for yourself this vicious hamster wheel of never being present will continue.

Here are some non-negotiables for myself that go in every. damn. day.
– Journal (best thing in the last 24 hours, 10 reasons I’m grateful, Affirmations)
– Read 30 minutes
– Listen 30 minutes (some kind of uplifting, intelligent, educational audio)
– Make someone smile
– Remember to say I love you
– Remember to say thank you

Here are some non-negotiables for myself that go in pretty frequently
– Nails
– Hair
– Call xyz (input friend/relative/client/acquaintance)
– Walk 30 minutes
– Join a workout class (this tends to not get done. I’m not proud, but I am honest)
– Join a group (I want to make more friends in my neighborhood. I joined a Book Club most recently, read 75% of the book, and then RJ & my husband needed me the night of the meeting. Girly Book Club I’m coming for you in April!)
– Check budget (I’m totally crazy about making sure our finances are in order and there are NO surprises)

Here’s the thing ladies… we can’t get it all done in one day. But we can take small steps each day. We can be a little more present and get a little more done when using the right tools. But if it means completely sacrificing yourself for “the cause” of being a mom + wife/girlfriend/partner + career woman + daughter + sister + friend than you’re failing. Big time. Hugely. None of the people who need you want you at 50%. They want you at 100%. Probably more like 150%. And if we are so frazzled that we really don’t give a you know what, then we are serving nobody. Write it all out. Prioritize. Take time for you. Once you get a system in place to ease the crazy in your mind (albeit justified crazy) you’ll be more present. I promise.

One last thing – it takes 21 days to make anything a habit. Please don’t tell me it doesn’t work if you’ve tried for 2 days. It’s a 15 minute activity. Pretend you have a stomach ache in the morning, lock yourself in your bathroom, and take 15 minutes to give this a try. Then come tell me it doesn’t work after your feet wake up from sitting on the loo for 15 minutes – 21 days from when you start.

Love,
M

Balancing it all – what?

March 21, 2018 / Tips & Tricks / Comments Off

In August 2017 I became a mom. I should say I birthed a baby, but I suppose I became a mom in November 2016 when I started cooking my son. I certainly took myself out for some rockin’ Mexican food for Mother’s Day 2017. That counts right?

When I first found out I was pregnant I panicked. I’m very square, very planned, very detail oriented and quite frankly I lost my sh*t. How was I going to continue my career? How was I going to grow my business? And my family? And what about the weight gain???? Would I lose it? And crap, I was going to give birth in the Summer and I HATE Summer… it is hot, humid, and gross in NYC in the Summer.

My panic lasted all throughout my pregnancy. I literally attempted to do everything myself, just as I had done non-preggo. I assumed if I could do it pregnant, I could do it again not pregnant, and I quite wrongly thought my son was just going to assume his place in MY life. I think somewhere in the recess of my mind I actually believed my life wouldn’t be altered too much, and if it was altered, it would only be for the better and in positive ways. I would still get my hair done. I would still get my nails done. I would still go out with the girls. I would still move up the corporate ladder. I would still grow my business.

And you know what? August 15th 2017 hit me like a brick wall. (I’m not even talking about birth!) My maternity leave was fantastic (for the most part) and then I started thinking balance… how can I balance it all?

Here is what I decided and hopefully it can help you if you’re struggling with the same question.

1 – Balance is relative. What I find “balancing” you may find down right idiotic. So be it. Find what you classify as balance and go for it. Does that mean a yoga class twice a week? Or getting a mani once a week? Or going for a walk around the block? Does that mean locking yourself in the bathroom with a glass of wine and a book?

2 – Every decision I make in my life today revolves around these questions – if Richard married a woman who did/didn’t do this thing/activity/self care what would I think? When Richard starts a family of his own, how do I hope he will act?

I want to be an example to Richard. I want him to know that yes I love him, but no I won’t stop doing the things I enjoy simply because he came into my life.
My balance is my nails every two weeks. My hair every 6 weeks. My career. My business. My reading. I purposely put “My” in front of all of those activities. They’re mine. I share them with Richard, and he flirts with all the ladies at the nail salon and hair salon. He watches me work my day job and career. Heck, he watched me struggle to figure out what the hell I’m doing with this blog. He plays on the floor while I read. This is on purpose. I want Richard to have his “things” and I want him to know that keeping them are imperative to balancing a “new” life.

3 – He is going to hate me for something, at some point in his life. I am not going to try and be perfect. For what? To be frazzled and crazy and uncertain of myself all. the. time.? No. He can hate me for making him eat vegetables. He can hate me for sleep training. He can hate me for having a curfew. Whatever his reasons will be, they will be. Striving for perfection is impossible. Thanks anyway.

4 – Try your hardest to find time with your significant other. Hubby and I have had our fair share of fights, arguments, struggles, and difficulties. And when I take a step back from being as stubborn as a donkey and really focus on “us” I realize (time and time again) he is trying his hardest, and so am I. I don’t care if its a hug in the kitchen. A text message saying, “thank you.” A quickie while the baby naps. Whatever. Take the time to spend time with your significant other. You made a baby. You liked each other then… find reasons to like each other now. Remember, little eyes are always watching… be the example you hope they grow up to be.

5 – Delegate. Find tasks you hate doing and find a way to get help. You literally can’t do it all. I’ll give you the same advice my Nana gave my mom, and my mom gave me… the dust will still be there when she/he is grown and leaving for college. Now I may still lose my mind over dust at least 3x/week, but I try to remember I have help. And I try to use it.

I hope these help. I’m not a balance guru, but I am a Mama and a Wife and a Human. You deserve time for yourself. You deserve to be proud of yourself. And you deserve to remember that you’re enough. Dammit you.are.enough. Keep up the stellar work girlfriend. One day when those tiny humans grow up to be big humans they’ll get it. I certainly get it when I look at my Mama today.

xo,